Code Words
Within the first 8 weeks of being pregnant with Mabel, a word kept appearing in my mind over and over: servant. At first I didn’t think too much about it, but with each repetition I began to attach more meaning to the word and attach the word to the child that grew inside of me.
Now, I’ve experienced three more pregnancies since Mabel and with each one, a word has come to me that I have attached to the child. In each instance, the word was attached to the child before I knew the gender of the child, within about the first 7-8 weeks of the pregnancy.
I am not confident enough I suppose to say it is some sort of prophecy exactly, but I am sure that I did not consciously pick the word. I never heard any kind of audible voice from God either, but it does seem to me that he has provided the word for me as a parent to pray over each pregnancy and child as a way to connect the child to me in a meaningful way and through prayer to help me connect that child to God.
So, I’m writing this post for my children and to make their word known to them for the future. I pray that whatever gifts God has given them, they will use fully for his glory. I pray I will see their unique gifts and learn from their gifting.
Mabel: Servant Born December 23, 2012
Oh, my sweet Mabel! God gave me the word servant to attach to you. You are only three years old, but already I see your servant heart and compassion. You are always eager to help and love. You are sensitive and caring, kind and considerate. You have more sympathy and remorse after doing something wrong than any other three-year-old I’ve ever met. You often say sorry and apologize for misdoings even when no adult has pointed them out. You are very aware of right and wrong. Even when you misbehave deliberately you seem to know at the time that it’s not the way you really want to be acting, as if it hurts you to do wrong even when you are choosing to do it. Sometimes I have been concerned that you ask permission too much, listen too quickly to the commands of others (sometimes strangers— once at a play place another boy told you you couldn’t use the slide and so you listened and wouldn’t use it!). I pray you will always be a servant, but will also have a strong voice and strong character to only obey when the direction given is God-given and good for you. I pray you will be a servant leader and stand out in a crowd by your willingness to do what is right and be God’s servant no matter the cost or consequence. I pray you will lead other to follow Him through your strong service and diligence. I know God created you to do good things! I am so proud to be your mom!
(lost in miscarriage) Micah: Witness Miscarried on June 19, 2013
What deep meaning your word has meant to me! What a sweet gift from God this word has been to connect me to you, my dear Micah, even though I never got to see your smile or hold your hand, or nurse your newborn self! As soon as I found out I was pregnant, your word came to me. I was scared to be pregnant so quickly after Mabel was born and anxious about being pregnant when we were doing so much to adjust to life in our new Asian country. The word witness calmed me. When I found out there was no heartbeat at our first ultrasound when you should have been 12 weeks old, I was numb. We seemed too busy to be able to take the time I wanted to grieve and appreciate you. We hadn’t even told our families we were pregnant yet, so I felt totally alone in my grief and sadness. How I clung to God and turned to him to heal my pain and bring meaning to your short life. I cry as I write this and still grieve your passing. I grieve not knowing you the deep way I want to know you. Yet, in your short life and death, God has changed me in deep ways and taught me so much from you and through you. Your life will always be a witness to God’s goodness. You taught us that life most definitely begins at conception and every life has meaning and value. Your life will always be a witness to eternal life, in which I have complete confidence. Your life witnesses that I will follow God even when filled with deep sadness and God will be with me even when heartache beyond words and loneliness are all I can see. I know I will see you again. I know God created you to do good things! I am so proud to be your mom!
Theodore: Warrior Born November 17, 2014
Oh, my Teddy! My passionate, vibrant, fiery, bold warrior! From the first weeks of your life, we could tell you were full of energy and excitement. You are all or nothing in your feelings and emotions. You love so hard. You are constantly giving hugs and kisses to people you love. You greet Mabel with a big hug and kiss every morning when you first see her. You run to Mommy and Daddy for a kiss each time you bonk your head, and you pretend to bonk your head just as an excuse to get kiss after kiss. You also get so angry in a flash and make your demands known. You have big feelings! You’re so young, but we see your passion and love of life. We know you will be all-in whatever you set your mind to. I know you will have strong determination to fight for what you believe in and be stubborn about the things that matter most to you. It has been such a blessing to see you be so loving and gentle to your little brother in these last few weeks. You show your big love and passion to him too. You love to kiss Samuel constantly and want to be the one to hold him. I pray that you will always defend your family and love your family fiercely. We pray that you will grow up to be a strong, bold leader who isn’t afraid to take a stand for God and defend the weak and what is right. We know you will be a Kingdom leader who will do big things for God! I know God created you to do good things! I am so proud to be your mom!
Samuel: Peacemaker Born February 15, 2016
My sweet, peaceful Samuel! You are only three weeks old and I know we have so much to learn about you and from you. If your life and personality are anything like your birth, I know you will bring the word peacemaker its deep meaning. You entered the world so amazingly and your peaceful birth was God’s grace in answering many prayers. Your birth was practically pain free. The nurses didn’t believe me when I said you were coming soon, but you entered the world quickly and deliberately. I was totally calm and full of strength and inner peace as you were being born. I am so thankful to God for his graciousness in your birth and throughout my pregnancy with you. God listened to our prayers and answered. I pray that you will realize that being a peacemaker does not mean avoiding conflict; in fact, bringing peace often means that you must enter into the mess of a conflict in order to be the necessary catalyst for peace. I pray that you will be brave and courageous to do this difficult job with gentleness and calmness. I pray that you will bring joy to those around you with your calming presence and inner strength. I pray that you will be a reconciler, a deliverer, and a friend to all people. People will look to you for wisdom and leadership. I know God created you to do good things! I am so proud to be your mom!