Pure Joy?

I’ve been dealing with sickness, frustration, and discouragement this last month. I’ve been grouchy and irritable. I’ve complained and whined. I’ve said I couldn’t take one more minute of disappointment. I’ve been the very opposite of joyful.

I want to rush God rather than wait. I want to despair rather than hope. I want to avoid suffering rather than develop perseverance. And, I definitely don’t naturally become joyful when things aren’t going my way.

My suffering is small, but does that make me accept it more– as a gift from God to develop godliness? No.

I whine. I complain. I argue. I get angry. I ask God “Why me?” “Why now?” “When will this end?” “This isn’t fair!”

God is so faithful to me. So good. So reliable. So stable and trustworthy. So, why do I doubt, lack faith, and despair so easily?

I lack perseverance. I lack long-vision. I lack the ability to be joyful in ALL circumstances.

I don’t like suffering. I don’t like being uncomfortable or in pain. I don’t even like being inconvenienced, forget full-fledged suffering!

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” says James.

Pure joy when I am sick and vomiting with a parasite during the middle of the night? Really? When I have a strange, tropical fever, all my joints hurt, and a ugly nasty rash is covering my body? Pure joy? When the electricity has been out for hours, it’s too hot to sleep, and I see my kids sweaty and crying? Pure joy? Really? When the only other christian English-speaking woman in my town leaves without a goodbye? Pure joy? When weeks have passed and the suffering hasn’t abated despite my prayers? Pure joy?

I want God to make me “mature and complete, not lacking anything” without having to face any trials. (And, I am usually immature enough that I don’t even want to face minor inconveniences.) But, God knows best. He knows me and he knows that I must learn that I need him to face trials and suffering. He loves me enough to want to mature me and complete me and develop me so I won’t lack anything. So I can be made into the image of Christ. I am thankful for his patience with me as he endures my complaints and whines.

And, I pray that he will give me the grace to develop perseverance– one uncomfortable trial at a time and develop the maturity to see each trial as an opportunity for considering it “pure joy.”